Keeping Your Cool

The Sample Life is all about faking fancy, and real fancy is about luxury. Luxury can be obtained in two ways: buying something really, really expensive and nice or simply by pampering yourself in a way that’s above and beyond normal maintenance.

A really simple, easily obtained, and FREE luxury often advocated by women’s magazines is putting  your moisturizer/eye cream/toner/what have you in the refrigerator. That way when you put it on it’s chilly and super refreshing and depuffing, kind of like biting into a York Peppermint Patty for your FACE. I love this idea in theory, because it’s both pampering AND obtainable, but in reality I can’t really practice it. First of all, my refrigerator is downstairs and my bathroom is upstairs, and I don’t really like the idea of slogging down what everyone who has ever been to my house agrees are the steepest, most treacherous stairs on earth two times a day and parting a sea of hard cheeses to pat on some chilly moisturizer. Too. Much. Effort. But to me this isn’t really about my laziness so much as judgment. Imagining my parents wordlessly sipping their coffee while I root around in the fridge for some eye cream, shooting me side eye and silently wondering where they went so wrong that I became THIS vain and ridiculous is too much for me. That kind of dedication to luxury is for when you live alone, so you can keep your addiction to pampering a dirty secret that you don’t even tell your boyfriend or therapist. It’s just too much.

But, completely by accident, I found a solution! The other night I reached for a bottle of  Vichy Purete Thermale Calming Cleansing Solution. This is a thin, water-y micellaire solution makeup remover, the kind favored by European girls and delicate magazine editors who just have to remove wisps of $50 tinted moisturizer, but as someone who favors blackest black mascara, I find it pretty ineffectual at taking off my makeup. Definitely not something I would repurchase, but I find myself using it time to time to remove a weird eyeliner mistake. ANYHOW since I had run out of sink space, I had been keeping it on the window sill along with a few bottles of hairspray. When I applied it to my eyes, all I could think was WHOA. My window (and whole house) is terribly insulated and lets in a lot of cold air, and this had chilled the makeup remover and turned it into the cold side of a pillow for my eyes! This was the answer to my prayers, a cheat on the chilled moisturizer trick that allowed me a small luxury with maximum effort and minimum vanity.


Yes, those sparkling background lights are a Wendy’s. JEALOUS?

This winter, put your shit on your bathroom or bedroom window, assuming you live in a crappy old house like I do! Let this be your consolation prize! If your house is too warm and fancy for this, comfort yourself with the fact that even though you are missing out on cold moisturizer, you’re life is probably better in literally every other regard.

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